Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
