dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
