I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
