I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
