I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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