wakey wakey hands off snakey
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
