oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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