I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You pole danced in your parka.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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