Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
