Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
