you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
