I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
