That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
