BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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