I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
