I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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