first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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