I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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