Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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