Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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