in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
