my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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