i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
