I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
