Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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