Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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