i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
