The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
