My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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