the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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