Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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