he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
