i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
