I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
