I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
