On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
