You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
