I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
