It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
