Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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