I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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