you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
