it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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