my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
