I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
