You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
