I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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