I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
