I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
