So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
