yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
