I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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