Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
