I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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