he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
